Romance scams are one of the highest-loss scam categories tracked by the FTC — Americans report losing over $1.3 billion a year, and the median loss per victim is $4,400, far higher than most other consumer scams. The scammer builds an online relationship (dating apps, Facebook, Instagram, even random text-message strangers) over weeks or months, then asks for money. By the time the request comes, the victim is emotionally invested in the relationship and primed to help.
Romance scams target everyone, but losses are highest among adults 60 and older — partly because retirees often have more savings to lose, partly because the social isolation many older adults experience makes online connection particularly compelling.
How Romance Scams Work
- Initial contact — usually via dating apps, Facebook, or random Instagram/text messages. The scammer’s profile uses stolen photos of an attractive, professional, often military or working-abroad person
- Quick move off the dating platform — they’ll suggest moving to WhatsApp, Telegram, or text. This avoids the dating platform’s scam-detection systems and creates a more intimate, harder-to-trace channel
- Intense relationship-building — daily messages, calls, declarations of love, talk of marriage — over weeks or months, sometimes a year. Real feelings develop on the victim’s side
- Convenient barriers to meeting — deployed in the military overseas, working on an oil rig, traveling for business, stuck waiting on a visa. They’ll always have a reason they can’t video chat or meet in person
- The crisis — a financial emergency: medical bill, customs fee on an inheritance or shipment, business problem, legal trouble, travel costs. Increasingly: a “great investment opportunity” they want to share
- The ask — wire transfer, gift cards, cryptocurrency, sometimes “loaning” them money you’ll definitely be paid back
- The escalation — if you send money once, more requests follow. The losses compound
The Hard Red Flags
- You’ve never met in person. No real, ongoing romantic relationship operates this way
- They refuse to video-call — or only briefly and with excuses about bad connection. The photos and persona may be entirely fabricated
- They moved off the dating app quickly — to a channel the platform can’t monitor
- They claim a high-status, hard-to-verify job — military officer overseas, surgeon on humanitarian mission, offshore engineer, international businessman
- Profile photos look professional — reverse-image-search them at images.google.com; stolen photos often appear on other profiles
- They’ve declared love quickly — “love bombing” is a manipulation technique, not romance
- They’ve asked for money or financial help in any form — the single clearest signal. Legitimate online relationships don’t involve financial requests
- They want you to invest in cryptocurrency or stocks — “pig butchering” scams combine romance with fake investment platforms. See Cryptocurrency Scams
If You Suspect a Loved One Is Being Scammed
This is one of the hardest situations to navigate. The victim is emotionally invested and often defensive when challenged. Attacking the relationship directly almost always backfires.
- Don’t lead with accusations. “He’s a scammer” makes the victim defend the person. Lead with curiosity: “Tell me about him. How did you meet? Have you talked on video?”
- Ask questions that surface the red flags themselves — without you having to point them out
- Suggest reverse-image-searching the profile photos together — this is the single most effective tool for revealing a scam. Use images.google.com or tineye.com
- Suggest a video call to verify the person is who they claim — if they consistently refuse, that’s informative
- Bring in a trusted third party — their doctor, attorney, financial advisor, pastor
- If money has started moving, contact their bank and the FBI’s IC3 (ic3.gov). Banks can sometimes flag and pause transfers if alerted quickly
- If they’re very deep, consider involving Adult Protective Services. APS investigates and can intervene without removing the victim’s autonomy
After the Scam
- Recovery scams are real. After being scammed, victims often get contacted by “recovery firms” or “FBI agents” claiming they can get the money back — for a fee. Don’t fall for the second scam. Real law enforcement doesn’t charge fees, and recovery firms almost never recover anything
- Report to IC3 (ic3.gov) and the FTC (reportfraud.ftc.gov)
- Contact the bank immediately — for wire transfers, there’s a small window to recall them
- Therapy and support groups are particularly helpful. AARP’s Fraud Watch Network has free peer-support resources. Romance-scam victims often experience grief and shame; the loss isn’t just financial
Educational only. Scam tactics evolve constantly. If you believe you’ve been targeted or have lost money, report to: the Federal Trade Commission at reportfraud.ftc.gov, your state attorney general, your local police, and (for elder financial abuse) Adult Protective Services via eldercare.acl.gov or 1-800-677-1116. For lost funds, contact your bank and credit-card issuers immediately. This article is not a substitute for legal or financial advice.